it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i think i have herpe
just one?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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