Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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