He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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