My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She told me I should be a condom model.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
