you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
