its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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