how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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