if you like me you must not know who I am
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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