I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
