I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
