Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
