I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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