Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
