so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish you could order shots online.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
