We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
