My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
