DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
