Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize