I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
