He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
