I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
