how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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