i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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