I cannot find my penis.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
