I have demons in me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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