no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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