i jhust puked up my retainher.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
