This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
