You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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