I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You need Xanax blowdarts
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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