Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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