Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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