i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
