Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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