remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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