I should be sponsored by Trojan
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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