twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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