If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
17 year olds will be the death of me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
