I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Randomize
