Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
