But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
