Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
