You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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