Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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