Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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