"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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