I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
