where am i from again
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
