Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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