dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
