never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
