Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Come see our sink grown plant.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
