went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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