My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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