Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize