I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
