i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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