I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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