i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have tasted many bathrooms
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
