i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize