You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
