If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
