I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
