I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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