I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
