He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize