Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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