I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
