I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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