who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
