i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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