I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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