You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize