But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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