Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
